Pulled from The Closet

As we all know coming out and being the most genuine versions of ourselves can be scary. It’s crucial to the development of a young gay person to come out on their own terms when they’ve accepted their sexuality themselves let alone other people.

This opportunity was taken away from me. I was a sophomore in high school when one quiet day mid spring, right after my parents split when I was called down to my living room to be greeted by both my parents sitting in silence. I immediately recognized the tension and knew why I was called…

It was right around this time when I got my first ever “boyfriend” of course as a typical high school relationship it wasn’t very significant but, significant enough to catch the attention of my twin sister (who was unaware of my recent coming out to my small group of friends) to the point that she decided to bring this up to my parents.

Back to the living room … I leaned up against the wall as my heart was racing with anxiety. My parents looked at me with concern as they expressed to me that they were notified that I had come out as gay. That short conversation shook up my world more than anything else could to a 14 year old gay kid. Now lucky for me I have amazing parents who are some of the most accepting people I know however, this did not make their confrontation acceptable. My opportunity to come out on my own terms was taken away from me and I honestly don’t think people understand the effect that had on my mental health at the time (along with so many other queer teens). I felt unsafe and knew that word would get out to my less-than-ideal side of the family who openly support the political figures actively fighting to minimize our rights as Queer people (whether they’ll admit it or not).

For years following I hid from my family, I understood they wanted to show their support for me however I just couldn’t and still to some degree cannot come to terms with the fact that I had my opportunity to introduce them to my newly found self-acceptance and level of comfortability with my sexuality taken from me esspecially by my own family. It was out of my control at this point. "who knew? what did they know? who told them?" : all questions that were constantly on my mind, I was terrified.

To bring you back up to date now I am able to have conversations with my family about my sexuality and I don’t hold them accountable as I know their intentions were pure and it was just a instance of ignorance but, I think a part of me will forever remember the shame and anxiety that was created because my opportunity was taken from me.

and just to have my moment: everyone, I am gay :)

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